Heaviness. Emotional Fatigue. Satisfaction. Exhilaration. All of these energies are real. They exist for us all without exception.

A few months ago I experienced a stretch of time with a real heaviness, a weight that felt as physical as it did mental. It felt as if I could not escape, but I am logical enough to know that I would, eventually.

Over the course of my years on this earth, I continue to try to sink into these feelings, even though they are uncomfortable. It is not fun. I like fun.

As I felt the weight starting to lift, it felt like I had control again of my mind. I say that, but I suppose I didn’t have any more true control of the highs, than I do of the lows.

I wanted to pick up my camera. I hadn’t felt this desire in a bit, and it felt like such a light that day. However, as much as I wanted to create, I was still being held within the tightness of my state of mind. I was home, my safe haven. I was alone. I loaded my camera and went into my yard, and without care of who could witness my process, I started to create. I shot 1 roll of black and white film. I had nothing in mind when I started, other than to feel. I craved that feeling that making images gives me.

Once I developed this roll and saw what had transformed, I knew it would be a body of work. My state of mind while shooting was one of freedom, abandoned, flow, ease. Each image was taken very quickly and in a somewhat sloppy manner. I set the camera, estimated focus, moved to the frame and just sat. I was almost surprised that the images were as individual as they were. The whole roll was completed in under 20 minutes.

The images themselves begged to be printed, and printed as a cyanotype. Using the light of the sun to make the images of myself come to life on paper, just as I felt the light as I was emerging from the darkness, was essential.

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